When I was performing with The Gentleman’s Club improv group on a more regular basis, one of the running jokes was I would tell the troupe that “tonight’s show is our most important yet”. When we landed our first show at Mardi Gras Night Club performing in front of 200 people, Alex laughed and told me I said the exact same thing when just a month prior we were performing in front of five people. You have to believe you are bigger than you are. I think the term is fake it until you make it.
It’s easy to knock yourself down. Far too easy actually. “You’re not smart enough/talented enough/brave enough/attractive enough”. We set up these blocks in our mind and all too often fail before we even begin. You have to believe you are the next big thing. If you don’t believe it, how can you sell it to anyone else? I sell myself as a writer. I have to. If I don’t believe I’m a writer why would anyone else? I firmly believe I am standing on the cusp of making it. I’ve finally been able to get the abundance of ideas out of my head and into a coherent form where I can write the beginning, middle and end of a story and put it to bed. Yes, I am having issue selling “Don’t Make Me Come Down There” and I could quite easily go the self published route, but that is the easy way. I don’t think the book is getting rejected because it isn’t any good, it’s getting rejected because of the subject matter. It holds a mirror up to religion and pokes fun at it and its followers. God is one of the lead characters and he is a passive aggressive dick. I think a lot of people are okay laughing at offensive material until it hits home. I know this book is a tough sell, I knew it would be when I started writing it. Does it make the rejection any easier? Of course not. It will just make the victory that much more sweet when I find the right agent and publisher who will take a chance on it. I am currently focusing on trimming it down a bit. 119,000 words was probably a tad excessive. I’m at 117,000 now with 70% left of the book left.
For the meantime I have put “Mephistopheles” on the back burner. As much as I want to write the sequel to “Don’t Make Me Come Down There”, it makes more sense to start something fresh. I’ve already started working on “The Gate at the End of the Garden” and just last week got past a major stumbling block in the story. I now know who the characters are, where they come from and where they are going. Once I’ve finished the rewrite of “Don’t Make Me Come Down There”, I’ll be jumping back into this full on.