Category: Screenwriting

Well then, that is a rather long title.

Despite the medications, the therapy and the life changes, there is still one hurdle I continuously struggle to overcome:

The main villain in my story.

The impostor.

Impostor syndrome has followed (plagued?) me my entire life. Through relationships, friendships and my career. It’s everywhere I go. Am I a good enough husband? Father? Friend? Employee? …and yes, writer?

Despite all of my self-doubt, the evidence is there that combats the impostor. I’ve been married almost seventeen years, and every day I wake up excited to see my wife’s smile. So obviously I’ve done something right there. My wife and daughter adore me, just as I adore them. I’ve been at my current job 25 years next May. They wouldn’t keep me around if I were useless. I constantly wonder if I am good enough to release a novel, a comic or a screenplay? Despite the fact I Have released all three and for the most part reviews have been positive.

Even though there is tangible proof I am succeeding, I still feel like there is a smokescreen hiding a failure. I spend more time worrying if I am good enough than I do enjoying the successes I have achieved. And that is a problem.

There are many textbook strategies to combat this. These include acknowledging my feelings, talking about it, and celebrating achievements. Another strategy is challenging negative thoughts. Finally, seeking professional help is also recommended.

I understand that this is common. It affects so many other people. Yet, this feels like one of the more personal mental health issues. Talking about it is a challenge for me as it always feels like I am just fishing for compliments. Am I? I don’t think so. That’s not to say I don’t like compliments, but when I discuss it, I feel I sound pathetic. But maybe that is just the impostor talking.

I try to celebrate my achievements. I am proud of what I have achieved so far. I have written movies that were released. I have released comics and novels. I have achieved the goals I set for myself as a kid. I am a screenwriter, an author, a writer. Am I a good one? Well, that depends if you ask me or my impostor. You will get two different answers.

I already see a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner twice a year for my bipolar disorder and anxiety. I’m not sure I can add yet another issue into the discussion.

I’m not sure where this particular blog is heading to be honest. Does it help seeing it typed out? Maybe? Am I just asking more questions I can’t answer? Also, maybe.

How does this effect me as a writer?

Well, I’m still writing despite the immense self doubt and fear. So maybe the impostor doesn’t have as much control as I think it does.

Yours,

CWC (The real one, not the impostor, hopefully)