On January 26th, 2008, my dad was in England celebrating his 54th birthday. At the same time, I was in Phoenix and I was sitting in my SUV and parked in my garage. The engine was running and there was a hose pipe running from the exhaust into the passenger window. I had downed two bottles of wine and was unconscious when the police found me. It would be the first of three suicide attempts over the next five weeks. The last of which involved an overdose of medication that put me in a coma for four days. I had taken what doctors consider two times a fatal overdose. I’m not even sure how I was found on each of those three times. I shouldn’t be here, but somehow, I am.
My name is Craig W. Chenery and I live with clinical depression, chronic social anxiety and bipolar disorder. Notice I say I live with depression, I no longer suffer from it. I suffered for 33 years with non-diagnosed mental illness. Despite the social stigma attached to these illnesses, I am not ashamed to admit I have them. There is far greater shame denying their existence and trying to live life like nothing is wrong. If I choose to ignore it, everyone else then has to deal with the fallout when I have a swing. Living with these illnesses is mandatory. It’s how I was programmed. I have no choice in that matter. Suffering, on the other hand is optional.
A lot has changed in my life since then. I am happily married to the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I have a fifteen-year-old daughter who is kind, intelligent and considerate. I now have the life I never thought I’d have or deserve. I take my mental health very, very seriously. This was also my last go around with suicide. Everything changed.
I always try to avoid the big three topics on my blog and other social network sites. Sex, religion and politics are the easiest ways to alienate people. That’s not to say I will avoid controversial subjects. Far from it. As part of an ongoing blog series, I plan to start discussing depression and mental disorders. I aim to explore how creators can live with these illnesses. They can manage them and live full, productive lives.
As a quick disclaimer, I am not a doctor. I will not offer medication advice. We all work a little differently and what works for me, may or may not for you. We all react to medications differently. Medications that would give me nightmares and hallucinations work perfectly well for others. Finding the right mix is a discussion for you and your doctor. I wish you the best on this part of the journey. This was by far one of the hardest parts of my road to recovery.
As a society, we don’t like to talk about depression and mental disorders. Sometimes it seems that the only time it is socially acceptable is when a celebrity commits suicide. Then it becomes a buzzword spoken around the water cooler for a few weeks and it’s quickly forgotten. That is to not downplay the loss of a celebrity’s life. The loss of any life due to depression, whether it involves a celebrity or not, is a terrible thing. Yet, depression affects 8 – 18% of the adult population. Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million adult Americans, or about 2 – 4.4%. We’re not alone, not by a long shot. In the coming weeks and months, I will be discussing my journey with these illnesses. I will explain how I’ve managed to untangle the threads in my brain to allow myself to create. Hopefully this will generate a dialogue with others.
Much more to come soon.
Yours honestly,
CWC
The official Craig W. Chenery website 